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Betere leesbaarheid

Heaven

door killea

sun sea mellow wine
cool water on sweaty skin
a lingering kiss

 

feedback van andere lezers

  • lief
    a place to beach!
    xxx
    liefs

    killea: Lief, I live in a village right next to the beach and it is glorious in any season. Sometimes one gets complacent about it, but near the sea is where I need to be.
    love
    June
  • alie_jankind
    liefdevol, charmant ...
    bij een haiku verwacht ik meer natuur
    een senryu is meer algemeen en heeft dezelfde samenstelling
    5 - 7 - 5 lettergrepen

    groeten
    killea: Alie, it is all nature...
    thank you for FB
    xx
    j
  • yellow
    Hi J.

    these are amazing words but honestly I have to say that's Alie is right, it's forbidden(mayby I take the wrong word)to use human things in a haiku.

    You know it's not meant to puyt you down?

    Take it in this way, in this style you used the wrong word
    in this more then beautifull poem.

    sweets,
    Marc

    (I hope you don't take this wrong, you know I like your poems very much)
    killea: Love constructive criticism, and have corrected it.
    Lost a good mate today
    he'd been with me for a while
    and as the stranger took him away
    I tried not to cry
    the music is completely still
    no more nightly chats
    confused and over the hill
    he left and didn't look back
    I couldn't help him though I tried
    he was rude, and nasty in the end
    and before he exploded and almost died
    decided to let him go
    he had truly served me well
    I miss him so, but he'll never know
    adieu my darling Dell,
    he'll be replaced in a couple of days
    Welcome Packard Bell

    xx
    j
  • jan
    superb

    xxx

    j

    killea: Thank you, darling
    xx
    j
  • Mistaker
    Summer, sea, love...a beautiful combination!

    Greta x
    killea: Thanks for FB Greta
    xx
    j
  • Ghislaine
    Sea? Now, no thanks to cold for my.
    killea: Yeah! it is a bit cold now, but that too shall pass. Thanks Ghislaine'

    xxx j
  • DeKoeneRidder
    Wonderfull...You make my imagination go crazy ;0)

    Love and a lingering X

    Your BH
    killea: Thank you BH
    xx
    j
  • marrik
    Jesus, all tis for a new pc?Hope you miss me the same as this when i'm gone.

    XX
    M
    killea: Why, where are you going?

    I you too!
  • jack
    Regeltjes, regeltjes, bah. Het is mooi. Een prachtig sfeerbeeld, basta! ;)
    killea: Thank you Jack, appreciate your FB
    xx
    j
  • lucky
    zingt simple red daar niet over ...
    killea: Don't know, thanks for FB
    xx
    j
  • otiske
    a place on earth.
    great this.
    Greetz
    killea: Thank you Otiske,
    xx
    j
  • klaver4
    Heaven and Haven indeed ! That fucking hellhound is biting my ass again!
    You forgot the palm trees ! And the sound of the swaying sea!
    xx
    dicky
    killea: Thanks Dicky, the rest goes without saying.
    xxx
    j
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